We have been playing for audiences for most of our lives and have, of course, felt the pressure to HAVE an audience. When folks show up to hear you play, whether it is in a living room, a church auditorium, a coffee shop or a bar, it always feels better. It is an easy ego feed to have a sizeable audience. You could easily validate yourself with numbers, whether the event ended up being meaningful or not.
For those of us who have plugged along in music as a ministry, there is a different economy we have to learn to tap into. It is a Kingdom economy where people and their hearts are the priority. It is an economy where externals like numbers and timelines are secondary to what God is doing in any given moment. As it says in Ecclesiastes, we can make all of the plans we want to all of the time, but God will be doing what HE wants, all of the time. Wouldn't we rather find out what God is doing and jump on THAT bandwagon, than push for our own agenda, that may never accomplish a Kingdom work?
Case in point. One night in Deep Ellum in 2003, we loaded into a bar with a well-rehearsed band. We had advertised well and felt prepared to give a great show. Nobody came for the first twenty minutes of the show. Then one solitary girl walked in and sat down directly in front of center stage. I (Michelle) felt my heart leap towards her. From the moment she walked in, I felt like I was singing every word of every song for her. Indeed, I was! She hung around afterward to talk and it was obvious that this encounter was meaningful for her, perhaps moreso than if she had been one of many. I didn't walk away from that night feeling like I wished there had been 50 more people, I walked away invigorated that God would go to such trouble to arrange a private concert for someone who needed words of life sung over her so badly. I am sure my performer ego took a hit, which is never a bad thing.
Another case in point, last January, on the Swan Song tour, we booked a house show with new friends and promoted the show well. Hardly anybody came and we performed kind of sloppy set in an uber casual environment. Our host had gone to much trouble to prepare for the event and she and I were both kind of mystified that folks didn't come out in droves. :) We were sitting around afterwards with our friend Marsha, who had come out for the show, getting to know our host a little better. Our hosts told us about their journey with infertility. It was a heartbreaking story for us to hear and we were moved on their behalf. It just so happens that infertility is a huge piece of Marsha's story and God has moved radically in her life and given her two sons, when she was given no hope. She was able to encourage our friend and we all prayed together for God to do the same thing for this family. She conceived within two weeks and gave birth to a beautiful, answer to prayer, little girl a few weeks back. If there had been a ton of people there that night, hanging out and chatting afterwards, such an intimate conversation would not have happened and those prayers would not have been prayed. There is not a chance that I would trade that encounter for a crowd.
His ways are higher, His priorities are more beautiful and His ideas are more miraculous. We are learning to trust His ways, His priorities, His ideas….Him. The more we walk with Him, the less we care about crowds and the more we are falling in love with the miraculous purpose of His agenda.
Two days ago, when we showed up at one of our favorite places in the world, The Abiding Place, where our friends, Bob & Teresa Nix live, we were just so excited to be there. The Abiding Place is a retreat center, a counselling hub and a surefire place of rest for so many. We have played there before to a good crowd and we were excited about the night. We knew we would be free to be ourselves with a group of like minded believers. Allison Cornell was coming in to open for us and we were excited to meet her and hear her music.
Nobody came. Let me rephrase that, crowds did not come. All kinds of last minute things came up for folks that had rsvp'd and when it was 20 minutes past time to start, two sweet ladies were sitting in the living room, up for anything. We decided to do a "casual" house concert…that means uplugged and sitting on the couch. Allison shared some of her beautiful music and we loved every minute of it. She sang a song about family that you will probably hear us sing soon. We sang a few songs and some of the songs moved us all into conversation about things God has brought us through. We connected with Donna and Vanessa, our two attendees, in a way we would not have if a bunch of folks had shown up. When the "concert" was over, we stayed in our spots on the couches and just talked. We shared some of our heartaches with Bob & Teresa and soaked up their wisdom. The next morning at breakfast, coversation picked up where it left off and the Nix's, Allison Cornell and the Pattersons got down to the heart of several matters over pancakes and bacon. Teresa did a craft with our travel weary boys and we rested and recouped. We received faaaaaar more than we gave and that, most certainly, was not our agenda.
His agenda is for me, as well. So many times, on a night where we assume that we will be the ones giving out, we are the ones who end up doing the bulk of the receiving. God economy is rooted in love because that's what He is. Why fight that kind of an economy? It's an adventure, it defies wordly thinking and pulverizes our pride. So, what do you do when nobody shows up? You chill out, try to tap into what GOD is doing, and enjoy the ride.