I have been having email conversations with a longtime friend of mine who is sick with fibromyalgia, the same thing I was healed of 12 years ago. As I have been trying to encourage, comfort and pray for her, I am reminded of how incredible it is to be set free from crippling illness! I don't talk about it enough anymore. So, here is my story–in blog form.
When I was about 18, I started having jaw trouble. It progressed to pain all over my body. I developed chronic headaches, pain in my arms and legs and impossibly tight muscles. I met with chiropractors, jaw doctors and a neurologist. I had MRIs to check for MS or tumors, steroid shots into each and every one of my muscle knots and shock testing on my nerves. And the drugs. Oh the drugs. Antidepressants, pain pills, muscle relaxers, sleeping pills. No one could tell me what was wrong. I had to drop out of college and lost my job. I became addicted to a drug called klonopin that masked the symptoms.
This was the most devastating time of my life. I was sooooo sick of asking people to pray for me and nothing happening. All of Job's buddies gave me their favorite Scripture to memorize, their formula for repenting or accused me of hidden sin. I felt like He didn't see me or care, and yet I loved him so much.
I got married and tried to get off of the drugs. Withdrawal set in and all of the former symptoms revved up again. Since I was undiagnosed, I felt like I was going crazy. Everyday activities would wear me totally out. Truly, chronic illness affects the way you see the world. Fear and darkness press in relentlessly.
A family friend sent me to the Mayo clinic where I received a quick fibromyalgia diagnosis. Fribromyalgia is a syndrome where your muscles maintain a state of tightness that sends inappropriate pain messages to your nerves. I was glad to be able to call it something. They prescribed exercise, physical therapy, massage and told me to apply for disability because it was incurable.
I slowly became dissatisfied with the thought of living with disability. I devoted my time to getting better. I did everything the doctors told me to. The pain was not getting better, but a seed of faith was growing in my heart. I did not want to be a sick mama, and I wanted kids so badly. I wanted to ask God again to heal me.
I went to some meetings at my parents' church where a man was prophesying over folks. On the second night of meetings, he spoke this over me.
"NOW WE ARE GETTING TO A MORE SERIOUS PART…NOW LET'S AGREE TOGETHER FOR THIS. THIS IS SO SPECIAL. WOULD YOU STAND MICHELLE? …FATHER IN THE NAME OF JESUS…EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM…NOW I WANT YOU TO AGREE WITH ME. WE NEED A CREATIVE MIRACLE FOR MICHELLE. AND THAT'S WHAT THE LORD LAID ON MY HEART JUST BEFORE I LEFT THE ROOM TONIGHT. I WAS TO REALLY MAKE THIS A SPECIAL PRAYER AND YOU ARE TO MAKE IT A SPECIAL PRAYER. I DON'T CARE WHO PRAYS THE PRAYER OF FAITH AND WHO TOUCHES GOD, BUT I WANT SOMEBODY TO TOUCH GOD FOR THIS DAUGHTER. FATHER, I WANT YOU TO CORRECT THIS FACIAL SURGERY MISHAP I WANT YOU TO GIVE THE WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE IF NECESSARY AND GUIDANCE TO THE ONE THAT IS GOING TO CORRECT THIS. AND LORD, IT MAY BE YOU…GREAT SURGEON, THE GREAT SPECIALIST, THE GREAT CREATOR. LORD, YOU CAN MAKE THINGS WHICH ARE NOT AS THOUGH THEY WERE. AND YOU ACTUALLY GAVE ME A VISION OF LAYING YOUR HAND ON MICHELLE'S NECK AND ON HER SHOULDERS AND SPINE AND HEALING THESE NERVES THAT HAVE BEEN DAMAGED AND DESTROYED AND MAKING THEM…RECREATING THEM AND MAKING HER NEW IN JESUS NAME. AND THE LORD JUST SPOKE SWEET WORDS MICHELLE, SAYING, 'THIS TOO SHALL PASS AND LIFE GROWS SWEETER.'"
Oh my goodness, even as I type those words I quake inside. No one had told this man what was wrong with me. I was undone. I knew in that moment that God saw me. Even though I walked out of that room with as much pain as I came in with, as far as I was concerned, it was a done deal. Within a month, I was totally off of all meds. One day, three months later, I was pain free and have remained so to this day.
No one can tell me there is no God. No one can touch the space He has made in my heart. I know beyond doubting that He who has healed me … is Jesus. If you are sick, I only want to speak to your heart that He sees you, He knows you and you are never forsaken, even when it feels like it. If you need a seed of faith to burst open in your heart, I pray that the story of God's mercy on me will do that for you today.