Next on the list, for our dearest friend, Kimberly—Red Day. If you know our music at all, you know that the Juniper Loop recording is so different from the others. It's the album where we deposited all of our real life, everyman stuff. It's purpose was to be accessible to Joe Schmoe in the bar (which is mostly where we played that stuff) with some universal subject matter.

Red Day is on that recording and it is basically me throwing a fit. I was sick of being poor. Music for some, is lucrative. For us, not yet. I stress the yet. We made a choice early in our marriage that we would rather try and fail, then never try at all. We left our jobs and went after the whole independent artist thing. At the time I wrote this song, we had two little babies. There are ups and downs to every self-employment gig and for a long while, our downs seemed chronic. If you have ever been broke, maybe you can relate to the beat-down it is to feel that stress for years on end. It starts to color your perception and it chokes out hope after a while. So that's where I was. I felt like I was called to do something, but the struggle to do it was causing me to wonder if I really was. Honestly, I wanted to quit so bad. I wanted to run away from music and I was so dang mad at God. I felt like He called me out and then HUNG me out. The bittersweet truth of it is that even when I was so mad, so hurt and so discouraged, I could not drag myself away from God. I was so sold on Him and so utterly convinced of Him that I found myself mad at Him and feeling betrayed by Him and totally in love with Him all at the same time.

So there it is, a red day is a day where nothing holds you together but the blood of Jesus. It's your last hope and your last comfort. You know the cool thing I have discovered about being a Christ follower? You are allowed to throw fits. Today my friend Esther needs to throw a fit. Throw it, sister.

when it lays me down
on the lowest floor
and the bravest weapon
doesn't cut anymore
doubt pursues me like a lover
faith and hope have run for cover
but I say

shaken
grounded–trembling to the core
broken
bonded–crawling back for more

and the hardest part
of this whole ordeal is
I can never get enough
of the way You make me feel and
thoughts arise and climb and clatter
fear ascends me like a ladder
and I stay…..

and it's a red, red day under the flow